RECOGNIZING AND MANAGING STRESS
Stress is created both in crisis situations and when people are under long-term pressure. Having a loved one struggling with long-term illness is a situation of long-term stress. Signs of stress include physical symptoms such as muscle tension, headaches and fatigue; problems getting restorative sleep; and emotional outbursts.
There are many ways that family and friends can respond to the stress created by CFS and FM, lessening both its intensity and effects. Here are five of them.
1. Relaxation
When we become stressed in the face of challenge, we often respond with a fight-or-flight reaction. Adrenaline flows, and we feel charged up. If the challenge is brief, the initial reaction is followed by relaxation. If, however, you feel yourself to be under constant pressure, as you may if you feel responsible for another's care, your body stays in a state of tension, which can manifest as muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, sleep problems and anxiety. By letting go, using relaxation, you counteract the effects of the fight-or-flight response.
There are many good relaxation and meditation tapes and programs available today. But other, less formal approaches can help, too. These include exercise, attentiveness to breathing, baths and hot tubs, massage, rest and listening to relaxation tapes.
2. Problem Solving
Taking practical steps to improve a situation has a double payoff. You reduce or eliminate a practical concern, and the process of taking action reduces anxiety and worry. Doing something counteracts the sense of helplessness, replacing it with a sense of control.
3. Positive Experiences
Doing things that are enjoyable is a stress reducer. Positive experiences lower frustration and counteract the sense that illness means only suffering. Here are five types of positive experiences, all of which can help lower stress.
Pleasurable Activities. Doing things that bring you pleasure can distract you from stress and reduce preoccupation with problems. Examples include seeing a movie, spending time in nature, listening to or playing music and reading.
Exercise and Movement. Exercise is a natural stress reducer, since it causes your body to produce endorphins and other soothing body chemicals. A similar effect can be obtained through other forms of movement.
Talking and Being Listened To. Talking to someone you trust provides reassurance and connectedness that dispel worry.
Music, the Arts and Other Absorbing Activities. Listening to or playing music or engaging in other artistic pursuits are good stress reducers. The same can be said of reading a good book or seeing an engrossing movie. The key is to find an activity in which you can become absorbed.
Laughter and Humor. Watching a funny movie or laughing with friends can be a great release. Like exercise, laughter promotes the production of endorphins. Research suggests that it can strengthen the immune system, counteract depression and even provide a substitute for aerobic exercise.
4. Mental Adjustments
Your thoughts can be another source of stress. For example, you may have unrealistic expectations. If you believe that you can protect the patient in your life from suffering, you may feel continually disappointed in yourself. If that's the case, you can reduce your stress by changing your expectations. Becoming aware of and changing the standards you have for yourself to make them more realistic reduces stress.
5. Support
Being around someone who has a long-term illness is inherently stressful and often isolating. Having people in your life who understand and respect you is a balm to the soul. Just being listened to and feeling connected to others is healing. Beyond that, talking to another person may help you clarify your situation, or the response you receive may enable you to see your life in a different, more constructive way.
Sources of support include family members, friends, clergy and therapists. Support also means practical assistance, which might include such things as volunteer or paid help with tasks such as shopping, cooking or housecleaning.
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